Intersession 28/29
The Magluon Cup

I had an idea which grew. Shroktath would like to organize and run a series of competitions between teams on the Amount. The teams would mix goblin and non-goblin crew. The competitions would have a decidedly, though not entirely, goblin-esque flavour to them. The competition would be have a strong dose of chaos to them. Random, unannounced changes to the challenges. Random team changes. Open-ended rules ("cheating" - too harsh? - bending of the rules encouraged), etc. Some harm might be done (broken bones, burn scars around the anus from the best lighted fart competition, etc.) but hey, why else do we have clerics. The challenges would be designed to highlight different strengths of our crew to their mates, promote a strong sense of team and working together, and be fun. And help to pass the time.

So, option A. I'd make up teams of the crew. You would each "play" that team's leader (Connor, for example). Chris included. I would try to minimize the work that you would need to do. I would describe the challenge, and you could give me a brief textual response on what your team would like to do on that challenge. I'll try to do most of the narrative work on how the competition actually goes down after I get your responses. (I also think that this would help us, as players, to get re/acquainted with our crew) 

Option B. I know everyone is very busy (I just happen to have a slack period right now because it's exam week), so if option A does not sound fun/doable, I could just write up how the competition goes down as a whole.

Okay, guys. Let's do this. 🙂

Preston is in crunch, but I'll include him in the emails, and he can respond and chime in as he wants/is able. If he can't I'll play his team.

What I'll do is make up the starting teams, give you a team (mixed goblin and new crew), and come up with the challenges. I'll give you a day to respond. The next day I'll try to weave it into a narrative of how it all went down, including some of your text when I can. The day after that, I'll throw the next challenge at you. Rinse and repeat.

It started off as a rumor. Nobody quite knew where it came from. In fact, it seemed to be coming from many places at once. Fragments of tantalizing information that often left the witness scratching their heads in trying to stitch the snippets together. Was it true that the goblin hero, Wegosz had set out on a voyage much like ours with a blended crew, that ended in glory and triumph? Before the Ninylfen wars the goblins dined on delicacies the likes of which you’ve never tried! It might be too much for goblins today to bear... What was this “Magluon Cup” that everyone was talking about? Why was it so famous and desired?

Then various members of the crew would come upon the ship’s commanders huddled in quiet conversation. They would overhear more fragments of whispered conversation: “Surely the goblins didn’t form teams with all the creature of…;” “But how could they call that a reward, I mean…;” “Surely no goblin today could let loose a fart so…” The commanders would abruptly shift topics, and refuse any and all entreaties to reveal more when discovered.

All, that is, save Jennifer. Whenever Jennifer was approached by the crew, goblin or no, she would get a wistful, far away look on her face. “Oh, those are tales from long ago. We today shouldn’t really bother comparing ourselves with the feats of our ancestors,” she’d offer. Or, “Well, maybe someday. It’s a tale for the ages, that's for certain, but best left for when we have the time and attention to get into something so epic.”

Then one evening as the crew were getting served dinner from the mess, Basil stood up and cleared his throat. “Wegosz. The Magluon Cup. Feats for the ages. Look, we know that you know something’s up. We know you’ve been talking about it.” The crew was dead silent - Basil was speaking. “Thing is, we didn’t want to tell you anything about it until we were sure.” He looked at Jennifer. “Well, now we’re sure.”

Jennifer stood up. “Goblin heroes accomplished great deeds in Magluon, as did the heroes of many peoples. This much we know. But many of their stories have been lost to the ages, and the destruction of the NinYlfen wars. Your whip, Khalid, came upon an incredible find on Brahl. A book that seemed to detail one of the most amazing goblin feats of all - the Magluon Cup. It was a competition started by the goblins, but all were free to participate, and cooperate in whatever teams they chose - and sometimes did not - to win the honor and pride of the Cup. It was a cup that was uniquely ours, and by ours I mean of Magluon," she emphasized. "It prized creativity, unusual solutions, courage, cleverness, daring - all the things that make our sphere so uniquely ours," she paused and looked out at the crew. "Things that the Ylfe tried to destroy,” there were jeers from the assembled crew. “We’ve checked it out. I’ve poured over my books, and more. It’s true. And we’re bringing it back.” More cheers, and a bit of playfully thrown food from the crew.

Now Khalid stood up. “The competition was never the same twice, and there were no rules that couldn’t be bent or twisted.” The crew was (more) quiet again. “But there were certain themes to the competition - those will be honoured. Teams, unpredictability, outside-the-box thinking, rewards. The Magluon Cup had it all. And as we bring our sphere back to what it should be, so we’re bringing this competition back.” Again, cheers erupted from the crew.

“All who want to are welcome to compete,” Khalid continued amidst the din, “though you won’t be able to pick your teams. And the winning teams will get rewards as we go through the challenges. The winning team at the end, however, will receive this!”

Now Shroktath stood up and pulled out the most grotesquely beautiful trophy anyone had ever seen. It had spikes and jagged edges, and bits hanging from in odd places. It sparkled and was scuffed and dented. When you looked at the center, it seemed to have flames coming out of the bowl. Shroktath held the trophy above his head, and the crew clambered over the tables, and often each other, to get close to this hideous, marvelous thing, and to be the first to sign up with Khalid.

“The competition starts tomorrow!” Khalid shouted above the chaos. “Teams and terms will be posted at the start of first watch tomorrow morning!”

The Amount has borne silent witness to many bizarre and terrifying events, but never anything quite like the opening ceremonies of the (revived) Magluon Games. Fireworks. Misfired fireworks? Injuries. Juggling. Juggling throwing stars. Throwing stars on fire? More injuries. Music? Sound! Frayed nerves. Raucous displays of team banners, and shouting of slogans. Trash talk. Trash talk degenerating into shoving matches. Shroktath having to beat some sense into the offending participants. More injuries. And working feverishly, Hazel, trying to mend up all of the damaged participants as best and as quickly as he could.

And all of the above amid a… parade? A bit hard to call the erratic pell-mell procession around the top deck of the Amount anything else, and yet a stretch for that word too. Khalid’s team, “Black Hurricane,” in particular stood out with the most intimidating team chant and a cool flag - black on black. (Apparently, it featured a black hurricane at night. No one could truthfully verify that, but it was memorable nonetheless). Shannon 2, Yoki Oshishan, Blarg, Bronwyn, Dakota (and two +/- newer crem members) followed behind.

The other teams too, made their mark(s - sometimes quite literally) on the “parade.” There was “the Salty Scavers” team, led by Basil and composed of Lewis, Charlotte, Veronica, Captain, Campsis (and two +/- of the newer members of the crew). Then there was “Steel Fenris” led by Jennifer and filled out by Brendon, Coalman, Glenn, Boz, Blaine (and two+/-  of the newer crew members). Last, but far from least, came “Mindlfayer Kabob” led by Fortuna and composed of Drazda, Connor, Alexis, Shannon 1, (and 3 +/- of the newer crew members).

And then… nothing. Nothing for days. The crew started to grumble, and even grow irritable. But just before the raucous event faded too far from memory, Shroktath woke up each and every one of the participants early one morning.

“In the Magluon Games, expect the unexpected!” he bellowed into the belly of the ship, waking all up with a start. “All participants on the deck in 5 minutes!

...the "parade" described below was inspired by my brief (thankfully) experience as a behaviour disorder teacher. We used to do school walks for Phys Ed class, and the P.E. teachers would sometimes graciously ask me if my class wanted to tag along. Every once in a while, I'd take a step back from the near-constant police officer duties, and take in the larger event. Suffice to say, you would not have to know who the behaviour students were to pick them out from the crowd. There'd be one hundred or so students walking along, minding their own business. Then there'd be a small gaggle, trying to pick up landscaping rocks to throw, running around each other, trying to shove each other, shouting,... Good times. That's kind of what I picture the Magluon Games opening "parade" as being like. On steroids. And if the parade was only composed of behaviour disorder students. - T.C.

I've got something of a start for each of the teams. We can probably assume you have an additional two crew members on each of your teams (three for team Drazda). We can play with skills, etc. as the rounds of the Cup Challenge go on. I'm prepared to copilot/pilot Preston's team, depending on whether he's got the time/willingness to participate. I'll give an overview of the situation, and then at the end, I'll spell out what I'd like from you before we go on to the first round of the competition as well as a timeline (rough).

Here are the starting team cores

Team 1

Shannon 2 - Ninja, level 5

Yoki Oshishan - Hedge Witch Tengu Level 5

Blarg - Ogre

Bronwyn - Fighter

Dakota - Fighter

Khalid is happy to take Team 1.  There is a lot of drama there and I am therefore excited.  Name:  The Black Hurricane.  (we will have a team uniform and it will be epic).  No need to make any adjustments.Is this going to be more "Hunger Games" or "Laff-A-Lympics" 

Team 2

Lewis - Bard Skald Level 5

Charlotte - Brawler and blacksmith

Veronica - Fighter

Captain - Elder Blink Dog

Campsis Grandifola - Leshy Monk Level 5

Team 3 

Brendon - Bomber Alchemist

Coalman - Level 6 Fighter Elf

Glenn - Barbarian Level 5

Boz - A gnome?

Blaine - Rogue

Team 4 

Drazda of Nix - Lizardman fighter and siege-weapon operator, level 6

Connor - Ranger Prod Level 4

Alexis - Druid Witchling Level 4

Shannon 1 -  Swashbuckler skinner Level 4

As the crew comes up onto the top deck, bleary-eyed, they don't immediately notice anything different. But it doesn't take long for them to pick up what's out of place. It's just off the ship. There are a number of objects circling around the Amount in random, often intersecting orbits. 

Shroktath announces that the object of this contest is to work with your team to capture as many of these objects, and more importantly to capture those worth the most points in the competition.

There are:

• 12 rapidly spinning small silver rods. These are the easiest to catch (low level Dex check), and can be caught and captured fairly rapidly. Each of these is worth 5 points per capture.

• 8 spinning spikey balls. These are orbiting a bit faster. And they look trickier to catch, at least without injury. Each of these is worth 10 points per capture.

• 6 firecrackers. These are relatively easy to spot (the fuses), and they're not that hard to catch, though because there's so few it will take a while to get between them. The main issue is with the burning fuses. They are deceptive. They can speed up at any time, and blow causing serious injury. An intelligent and dextrous participant could more likely capture, and safely defuse these firecrackers. Each of these is worth 15 points per capture. 

• 4 blink batons. These are hard to even perceive, and keep track of. They're a deep black in colour. At random intervals they blink to a slightly different location. They're not so hard to capture... if you can perceive them and get to them without them blinking away. These are worth 25 points per capture.

Shroktath has been waiting for Shilyn to give a green light to this competition. She has done so as the Inordinate Amount is currently travelling through a lull in the asteroid field. But it won't last much longer, so each round you take in the competition there is a modestly growing chance of one of your team members out trying to get the objects will be struck by an asteroid. If this happens, your team's participation in this round of the competition will conclude, as the team goes off to rescue their teammate. (You will score as many points as you've captured to that point) If a teammate is taken out by an asteroid, they will be hampered in the next round of the competition.

The only hard and fast rule is that you must physically capture the objects. You can't use magic to do so (though you're free to use magic on your fellow participants, teammates or no)

***

Shroktath was nowhere near finished explaining the Daredevil event, when the deck of the Inordinate Amount erupted into a chaotic blur of activity. Shouts, shapes scurrying about, and in the midst of it, a huddled group around Khalid. Jennifer’s group coordinated from the very first second, as the mage used spells of telepathy and levitation to expertly maneuver the Steel Fenris team into an early lead. Glen - surprising everyone - was put to good use in particular, grabbing painful objects and seeming to enjoy it (though he would need medical attention from Hazel immediately after the race.). Mindflayer Kabob took a bit longer, but Fortuna got her crew up and running, with her and Connor racing nimbly around the Amount on a flying disk, grabbing various objects and hucking them back to the rest of their team on the deck of the Amount. (The other teams quickly caught on, and a bit of a donnybrook ensued between Charlotte, Blaine, Connor and a few others trying to nab these before they were secured. Mindflayer Kabob kept most of their team’s gains though). Next came the Salty Scavers. They gathered up rope, a sack, some netting, an air flask, and a few other things, but as they hurled (gleefully) a newer crewmember out into orbit attached (?) to a rope, their plan began to take shape. They were swinging their teammate about like a stick at a pinata, hoping to net as many of the objects as they could. Captain couldn’t really capture any of the orbiting objects, but he did do a good job of running interference, blinking to different locations, grabbing objects in his mouth, and chucking them away from the other teams (Much to the other team’s annoyance, and the joy of Captain who growled, wagged his tail, and gave the play bow before blinking onto his next location.)

And then, Black Hurricane's plan became obvious. A flamewing, captained by Khalid screeched past the amount sending several airborne participants from the other teams hurtling hither and yon, knocking previously captured, but now free floating objects back out into space. Black Hurricane soon owned the skies. It wasn’t quick work, due to the lack of maneuverability of the goblin fighter, but they managed to get out ahead of the other teams through the remainder of the competition.

Shilyn, came out onto the deck, to cogently hurl a spleen of invective, profanity, and order all back to their posts or so help her… and the contest drew to a close.

Final score for challenge 1 of the Magluon Games:

Black Hurricane [Derek] 75 points

Steel Fenris [Chris] 65 points

Mindflayer Kabob [Dave] 65 points

Salty Scavers [Preston/Tim] 60 points

And that was it. Kind of like rugby players after a hard fought game on the pitch, the crew went back to their duties, nursing their bumps, bruises, black eyes and bleeding(many after being attended to by a dubious but dedicated Hazel). But you could sense a strong and crowing camaraderie especially but not only among the distinct teams, but also a real appetite for whatever the next phase of the competition was going to be.

The next round of the competition was… the Gross Out.

As Shroktath described it, this was to be part eating competition, part relay, and overall a test of intestinal fortitude, literally and figuratively. There would be three rounds of an eating contest. A different team member would have to compete in each of the three rounds. In addition, the success of each round would factor into the success of the succeeding round (like a relay) - like a multiplier effect on the points from each round.

Round 1? “Stoo”

Edgar’s tried and true. Some of the identifiable ingredients typically included:

• Beholder eye stalk

• Rotgut (a truly disgusting goblin homebrew, that burns in more ways than one)

• Jackfruit (it smells vaguely like vomit. It lasts in the ship’s stores almost forever though, and is calorie- and nutrient-dense)

• Salted… beef? (It’s some sort of meat, anyway. Was it on-the-turn when it was salted?)

• Hardtack

• Molasses

• Scaver-skin (smells like underarm, tastes like a car tire. Nutrient-rich and stores forever)

• Pickled spider legs (a goblin delicacy. These are particularly hairy legs - so really prized stuff. It would be considered insulting to ruin these)

• Iron filings.

• Hair, various (fun fact. It is considered acceptable behaviour to send one’s food back if you do NOT find a hair in your dish in goblin cuisine)

• Sawdust

• Snail mucus

• Broth (not even Basil had ever managed to figure out what the basis of Edgar’s broth was, but it was there, and it was thick).

Each successive bowl of Stoo (round 1) is not terribly challenging to keep down (at least at first), and is worth a modest amount of points/bowl eaten and kept down. There is an arithmetic progression for points, fortitude and will saves per bowl. You need to get up to 5 bowls of Stoo (round 1) before your team can score any points, and you need to consume at least 8 bowls before you get a multiplier of 1.0 for the next round of the relay. (Anything less than 8 bowls will lessen your points in round 2. Anything more will increase points in the next round)

Round 2? “Stoo!”

As above, but Edgar is thrilled (“Stoo!”) to recreate his recipe from the snooty restaurant on Brahl (i.e. he has peed in the soup. Edgar likely does this quite often, and seems to derive a special level of joy from doing so. Rumor has it that Basil knows when Edgar is going to make “Stoo!” a day before he makes it - something about a gleam in Edgar’s eye. Basil makes alternate dinner plans every once in a while. Invariably, on these days, the rest of the crew ends up having trouble keeping their food down.). It’s hard to detect the difference from just “Stoo” at first, but the more you eat the more you feel like what you ate is going to have a remarkably short stay in your digestive system.

Each successive bowl of Stoo! (round 2) is a bit more challenging to keep down, especially after the first two bowls. It shifts from an arithmetic progression on points and fortitude saves after about bowl 4 or so. Willpower saves are a strictly an arithmetic progression. Your team’s 2nd round participant needs to get to 4 bowls downed (and kept down) to reach a multiplier of 1 for the 3rd round of the competition.

Starting on this round, and the next, participants may also choose to add a common goblin side dish to their “food.” This side dish is usually called “jammer.” This is a thick, white paste. It’s often used as a binding or thickening agent by goblin chefs (interestingly, it can also be used as an adhesive). It helps the stomach to cope with more challenging (rotting, spicy, etc.) foods, but you have to be careful with it. The more you ingest, the increasingly higher risk you take that your digestive system will be closed shut. This stops the competitor mid-bowl, and ends the competition for that round. Each spoonful of jammer (or “stoop,” as Edgar calls it) reduces the challenge rating of that round by 2, but also carries with it a cumulative 10% chance/spoonful of stopping up the digestive system of the participant, ending the entire contest for that team at that bowl number and round.

Round 3? “Stoo?”

As above (round 2), but this is flavoured - without Edgar’s permission - with a modest amount of a treasured goblin spice usually called “firebomb. (No one quite knows what it’s made of, but rumours abound. Mice droppings? Peppercorns? Ghost peppers? Mint and mustard? Blackpowder? Kindori oil? All ground into a paste and dehydrated, that much is certain. It packs an incredible punch. It even produces hallucinogenic effects when eaten in enough quantities. For these reasons, “firebomb” has a mythical, even spiritual, place in goblin cultures. Despite this, Edgar has never used this in his cooking - not even once - and a package has been sitting on the storeroom shelves of the amount since it was taken over in the mutiny. It’s maiden voyage, on the Amount anyways, is today.)

Stoo? Separates the amateurs from the pros pretty quickly. One bowl is a challenge to finish (will and fortitude), and the checks on each escalate exponentially from bowl 1. The points also progress exponentially to reflect this challenge. Even finishing the first bowl carries with it an enticing (hard to use that word in the context of this challenge, but there you go) points reward.

On this final round the participants may choose to flavour their soup with additional pinches of “firebomb.” They can try as many extra pinches as they’d like in any bowl. Each bowl counts as having one pinch in it already. Each extra pinch doubles the difficulty, and potential points reward, of each bowl consumed. 

Additionally, there is a 10% cumulative (per pinch) chance, that the consumer of “firebomb” will enter an halucinogenic vision quest. This ends the consumption, but is considered such a sacred result in goblin culture that it is worth a bonus 20 points to any team that manages to get a participant to this state.

Oh, and the teams have been altered slightly - a Magluon Cup tradition. (changed team members in bold):

“Black Hurricane” now includes Khalid, Shannon 2, Yoki Oshishan, Blarg, Connor, Bronwyn, Dakota (and two +/- newer crem members) followed behind.

“the Salty Scavers” team, lead by Basil, is now composed of Coalman, Charlotte, Veronica, Captain, Campsis (and two +/- of the newer members of the crew). 

“Steel Fenris” is led by Jennifer and is now comprised of  Brendon, Lewis, Glenn, Boz, Blaine (and two+/-  of the newer crew members). 

“Mindlfayer Kabob” is led by Fortuna and is now composed of Drazda, Blarg, Alexis, Shannon 1, (and 3 +/- of the newer crew members).

***

Salivating would not be the right word to describe the participants as they awaited a gleeful Edgar and his massive pots of stoo. Sweating, might be more apt. Anxious. Determined. The switchover of team members created a good deal of grumbling, at least among the lower ranks. Khalid tried to set a good tone, welcoming Connor to the "Black Hurricane" team... but as soon as Khalid turned his back, Connor was virtually assaulted. Coalman likely wasn't going to be greeted with warm and fuzzies on whatever team he joined, including his original, and the Salty Scavers fell upon him like a pack of hungry dogs on a T-bone. Coalman barely had any clothes left on his body by the time Basil managed to restore order. Only Blarg was treated with a grudging respect as he lumbered over to Mindflayer Kabob - everyone could see the potential benefits that he might bring to this round of the competition.

Round 1. Stoo was served to the first competitors of every team, and as many bowls and as quickly as they could handle. "Black Hurricane's" Khalid has made the curious decisions to include one of the newer crewmembers, a  Tengu Hedge Witch named Yoki into the leadoff position. Many of the more seasoned crew openly sniggered at the choice. But the sniggers didn't last long. Yoki seemed to enter some sort of a meditative trance as another newer members, a hobbit named Percival, almost poured bowls of Stoo down his gullet (no rules about being helped to eat). Toward the end he retched, but recovered, and then tapped out, glaring at Edward with a stare that would have spooked a Hell knight (some even said she put a curse on poor Edgar. He wasn't himself the next day.) Mindflayer Kabob, in what turned out to be a genius move, started with Drazda. Edgar's stoo wasn't so dissimilar to swamp water, and so the only limit was really the capacity of Drazda's stomach. The Salty Scavers selected a newer crewmember for the opening leg too, a plant-creature named... well, no one could quite pronounce the name. It stuck it's roots into bowl after bowl of the stoo, and the liquid disappeared. (In a controversial ruling, Shroktath decided to give half credit for this. He was roundly pelted by refuse by all competitors for this decision which pleased no one). Lewis pleaded to lead off Steel Fenris, and Jennifer agreed. It did not turn out well. Lewis seemed off almost from the first bowl, and collapsed partway through the 6th bowl. A pathetic showing.

Score after round 1?

Black Hurricane - points 6 - multiplier 1.2

Steel Fenris - points 2 - multiplier 0.7

Mindflayer Kabob - point 7 - multiplier 1.3

The Salty Scavers - points 4 - multiplier 1.0

Round 2. Stoo! came next. Black Hurricane sat down another newer crew member, an older dwarf named Crainak. It turned out to be a great move again. Crainak seemed to have a stomach made of mithral or something. He eschewed "jammer" even into his third bowl, but ended up vomiting so profusely into his fourth that he immediately passed out. Blaine came second for Steel Fenris. No one was quite clear on what was happening to his bowls - Blaine and Jennifer looked incredulous, hurt even, at the vocal accusations of cheating from the other teams - but the bowls were emptied, and so his team got credit for them. Alexis stepped up second for Mindflayer Kabob. There was something natural yet, unnatural about her countenance. Her skin seemed almost stone-like. Again, no jammer, but down the bowls went. Veronica was supposed to step in on round 2 for the Salty Scavers, but she seemed more interested in questioning those assembled on what kind off stoo they'd rather eat, and under what conditions, and so in a last-minute decision that was, again, lustily disputed by all the other teams, Shroktath allowed Coalman to step in. It was a disaster. Coalman got a little carless with the "jammer" in his nervousness, and quickly jammed up completely. He couldn't even speak. He could barely breathe.

Score after round 2?

Black Hurricane 6 points from round 1 + 8 point from round 2 x1.2 multiplier = 15.6 total points

Steel Fenris 2 points from round 1 + 16  points from round 2 x0.7 multiplier = 13.2 total points

Mindflayer Kabob 7 points from round 1 + 16 points from round 2x1.3 multiplier = 27.8 points

The Salty Scavers 4 points from round 1 + 2 points from round 2x1.0 multiplier = 6 points

Round 3. Stoo? came last. And there was a special twist in store for this last leg of competitors. Shilyn started to barrel roll, juke and jive, twist the ship about. This made it harder to keep at the task and keep the soup down. But the teams dug in and did their best. The Captain of Black Hurricane, Khalid, was going to try and bring his team home in an impressive display of leadership. No one was quite sure the number and type of spells he'd cast on himself in preparation but he was practically shimmering as the first steaming bowl was put in front of him. A gasp rippled through all assembled as Khalid asked for 4 extra doses of firebomb to be put into his Stoo? He finished the bowl, hurriedly, and then it was almost like you could see the colour drain from his face as he slumped down onto the deck deep in the dream quest journey of the firebomb. Khalid might not be available for a few days, but his goblin crew viewed him with even greater respect. The Salty Scavers had Charlotte as an anchor, and it was as gross as it was impressive. Her fly-like head descended on bowl after bowl, spitting forth her digestive juices, turning the stoo? into a indistinguishable jelly, and then slurping up the whole mess without much of a fuss. Until the firebomb hit, and she too slumped onto the deck. Glen anchored Steel Fenris, and it was a sight to behold. He flew into a rage, banging about with his fists, as the team struggled to pour bowls down his gullet. But as the rage passed, he held up his hands in sad defeat. No vision quest journey for Glen. Everyone assumed that Blarg would bring home the crown for MIndflayer Kabob, but in a shocking development it turned out that the ogre was deeply alergic to something in the firebomb mixture. Blarg couldn't even finish the first bowl, and needed immediate attention from Hazel.

Score after round 3 and final score?

Black Hurricane - 62 points from round 3! Competition Total 77.6 points

Steel Fenris - 54 points from round 3. Competition Total 67.2 points

Mindflayer Kabob - 0 points from round 3. Competition Total 27.8 points

The Salty Scavers - 84 points from round 3! Competition Total 90 points

There wasn't much time for licking wounds, and certainly not for licking bowls clean, as the very next day the teams were on to the next challenge.

Note: any competitor from the previous round who achieved the "Dream Quest" state (Khalid and Charlotte). Are not available for this round of the competition (Black Hurricane, please select and acting team captain).

Team scores after the first two challenges?

Black Hurricane [Derek] 152.6 points

Steel Fenris [Chris] 132.2 points

Mindflayer Kabob [Dave] 92.8 points

Salty Scavers [Preston/Tim] 150 points

The first thing that caused a stir in the teams was that Shroktath announced that the teams would be shifting members yet again prior to the next challenge. Everyone had been sort of expecting that, so only grumbling and the occasional thrown object resulted. The new teams were to be (new team members in bold):

Black Hurricane: Khalid (*incapacitated by the firebomb dream quest for this round*), Shannon 1, Yoki Oshishan, Blarg, Connor, Bronwyn, Dakota (and two +/- newer crem members) followed behind.

Steel Fenris: Jennifer, Brendon, Lewis, Glenn, Boz, Veronica (and two+/-  of the newer crew members).

Mindflayer Kabob: Fortuna, Drazda, Blarg, Alexis, Shannon 2, (and 3 +/- of the newer crew members).

Salty Scavers: Basil, Coalman, Charlotte (*incapacitated by the firebomb dream quest for this round*), Blaine, Captain, Campsis (and two +/- of the newer members of the crew).

However the second announcement really did cause a riot. Shroktath announced, in what he claimed was a tradition from days gone by, that the points totals of the teams would be reversed at the start of round 3. The lowest place team, switching place with the highest team's total, etc.

Thus the points at the start of round 3 were suddenly:

Black Hurricane [Derek] 92.8 points

Steel Fenris [Chris] 150 points

Mindflayer Kabob [Dave] 152.6 points

Salty Scavers [Preston/Tim] 132.2 points

The lower placed teams, naturally, rejoiced, and staunchly defended the ruling whereas the top two teams (Black Hurricane and the Salty Scavers) were incensed. Anyways, eventually order was restored.

In time, Shroktath was able to knock some sense into the crew and explain the next round's challenge.

A part of this challenge involves a poem (a haiku, for example, or a limerick - goblins love limericks) about Shilyn which must be delivered to Shilyn in person. However, the challenge also requires a second and simultaneous artistic accompaniment (interpretive dance, music, a mime show, a portrait... your choice) by other members of your team, or your team’s poetic entry is automatically disqualified. (Goblins are ADHD with several exclamation points. It’s not art unless there are multiple layers to the art to distract you from other distractions to the art.)

Goblins love certain words in poetry, and they have featured prominently in previous iterations of the Magluon Cup. Your score will be increased by 1-6 points with the inclusion of any of the following words:

slurp, sphincter, phlegm, gelatinous, squint, conflagration, secrete, combustible, boom, congeal, squat, nausea, hack, gouge, sucker, chaos, bodily function.

You are welcome to include similar words, just highlight the words you think would be particularly effective in the Magluon Cup.

There is a multiplier effect from working these words in succession, too. For example, a poem that might include 3 of these words/terms in a single line would stand a good chance of having a multiplier effect applied to the scores of the individual words increasing their value (goblin-esque poetic magic… unlocked!).

In addition, points will be awarded according to Shilyn’s reaction to your teams’ performances (poetry reading AND other artistic performance). For each of your team’s artistic performances, your base modifier to the d20 roll of Shilyn’s reactions will be:

1. Punches one of the performers in the face -20 points#

2. Glowers - 10 points

3. Rolls eyes and grumbles - 5 points

4. No reaction

5. No reaction

6. No reaction

7. No reaction

8. No reaction

9. No reaction

10. No reaction

11. No reaction

12. No reaction

13. No reaction

14. No reaction

15. No reaction

16. No reaction

17. A brief look over +1 point

18. Rolls eyes +5 points

19. A brief, quarter-smile, +10 points

20. *a single, crystalline tear manifests in the corner of Shilyn’s mechanical eye* + 20 points#

Note 1: Modifiers will be applied to your roll according to your description of how the performance is staged, and the "quality" of your poem.

Note 2: A poem that scores bigly in terms of its Magluon Cup score, will tend to produce a negative modifier to the reaction of Shilyn, and vice versa. 

Note 3: Any roll lower than 1, or higher than 20 will increase the points total awarded by the amount that you “beat that number” (e.g. a 24 will award 24 points. A -2 will award -23 points)

Note 4: If one of your two performances (for example, the poem) scores a 20 or higher, and the other scores a 1 or lower, the negative points total from the “bad” reaction is eliminated, and instead you receive a bonus +30 points in addition to the positive score (+20 or higher).

Note 5(#). For either of these two (extremely good or extremely bad) results, there is a slight chance that your performance distracts Shilyn at an inopportune time, resulting in damage to the ship from a collision with an asteroid fragment that will necessitate repairs, and delay the Inordinate Amount’s passage through the asteroid field. Such is the price of victory. Potentially. It is also very Magluon Cup. 

***

There was a nervous excitement in the crew as the teams awaited their presentation slot to Shilyn. It was so different and unexpected. Who would perform what? Who would include flatulence in their artistic performance (and would anyone be foolish enough not to?). It was the only contest so far where the teams would not be able to fully watch each other "perform," and it added a level of intrigue and curiosity to the whole affair. There were a few peepholes on board that might allow for a viewing spot to the action, and the crew vied, elbowed, bribed, pleaded, and cajoled for them so they could watch the action go down.

Shilyn knew the contest was unfolding. No one had witnessed the conversation between Shroktath and Shilyn when he must have informed her that she was to play a central role in this challenge. But Shroktath was sporting a black eye. If Shilyn had any reaction to the contest, beyond this (possibly) it was impossible to determine. As always when piloting, she was in the zone.

The first to step up was Black Hurricane, and to the surprise of everyone (including Blarg?) it was Blarg that delivered the poem.

The Ogre’s Lament

Upon the deck of wood and steel, where rivets slurp,
A gelatinous moon hangs, pale and wan.
The sphincter valves of engines churn and burp,
As steam and phlegm weave tales of battles drawn.

(This was when the goblins looked at each other and stood up)

The crew, with eyes that squint through goggles tight,

Their hearts combustible, their spirits bold,
They stoke the fires, ignite the engines’ might,
Under this conflagration, the sky did shine like gold.

(By now the goblins were dancing in circles; some kind of interpretation of a battle)

From murky depths, he slurps the battle’s essence,

His gut a churn of phlegm, a primal brew.

Each swing, a dance of combustible presence,

As chaos swirls, and warriors’ fate he’ll hew.

(As the goblins got wilder, throwing fire and climbing the mast, the rest of the team joined in)

With hacks and gouges, wrenches raised on high,
They fight, a desperate dance 'neath starry sky.
The ogre, too, joins in this cosmic boom,
His meaty fists, a force to seal their doom.

(And Blarg bowed)

Craniak then jumped up and slowly growled at the crowd as Yoki did something Khalid would later insist was a flamenco dance with steel war fans:

Mithral blades gleam bright,

Dwarf hearts forge valour in war,

Cosmic clash unfolds

The crowd was certainly excited and engaged but all the goblins kept yelling “limerick, limerick”.  Even Edgar said, “no limericks, no food, throw them to the dogs, no limerick”.

Then Perceval smiled in a lascivious and salacious way at Shilynn as he walked up to her: 

In the void of cosmic expanse, 

An android with circuits and chance, 

Their eyes, like binary stars, 

Guide our ship past quasars, 

Love blooms in the ship's beautiful dance.

He winked and bowed…..

Poetically, every crew member agreed, it was a tour de force. In particular, the Blarg performance. I mean, who knew?

Poetry score: 65 points

Shilyn's reaction: 0 points

Artistic performance: 10 points

Shilyn's reaction: 0 points

Black Hurricane's total for the round: 75 points

Next up was Mindflayer Kabob. Shannon 2 stepped up, somberly. She began reading in a slow, serious style which brought home the humorous finale with surprising aplomb.

There was once a brain with no room,

Stuck in a box like tomb.

Although she wanted to fart,

She could not do the part.

And exploded with a big boom!

The poem brought forth snickers from the viewing spots, but it was really the artistic performance from Fortuna and the combined team that stole the show. It was a visual and audio performance the likes of which the Amount had - certainly - never seen. It started with more of a suggestion of a sound than a sound, and slowly, as the poem progressed, it built into a hum, and then, clearly, the growing sound of a fart. And not just a fart, a fart with soul. Vibrato, harmonizing undertones, and at times even the suggestion of words, of setting. It was the most amazing fart that anyone on board had ever heard. Or smelt. And as the fart, and poem, came to a simultaneous climax, the fireworks from Fortuna began, rapidly swirling force missiles, and minor explosions like deadly flowers.

Poetic score: 11 points

Shilyn's reaction: 0 points

Performance score: 25 points

Shilyn's reaction: 0 points

Mindflayer Kabob's total for the round: 36 points

Third came the Salty Scavers

Shilyn at nighttime

before hairy sphincter slips

because of the puke

Charlotte and Captain, performed an interesting acrobatics display. It didn't go off quite as well as they'd hoped.

Poetics score: 15

Shilyn's reaction: 5 points

Performance score: 10 points

Shilyn's reaction: 0 points

Salty Scavers' total for the round: 30 points

Last came Steel Fenris

Lewis stepped up to deliver a stunning performance of a poem the team had created together.

Roses are red,

Violets are blue,

A feeling is scary,

And so are you.

Orchids are white,

Ghost ones are rare,

Mirrors are shiny,

And so is your hair.

Magnolia grows,

With buds like eggs,

A tendency is strong,

And so are your legs.

Sunflowers reach,

Up to the skies,

Heat is intense,

And so are your eyes.

Foxgloves in hedges,

Surround the farms,

The term is long,

And so are your arms.

Daisies are pretty,

Daffies have style,

The thought is scary,

And so is your smile.

And metal is beautiful,

Just like you.

The rest of the team attempted a percussion accompaniment that was... memorable.

Poetic score: 25

Shilyn's reaction: 0 points

Performance score: 10 points

Shilyn's reaction: 0 points

Steel Fenris' total points for the round: 35 points

Total points for all teams after the 3rd challenge

Black Hurricane 167.8 points

Mindflayer Kabob 188.6 points

Salty Scavers 162.2 points

Steel Fenris 185 points

Challenge 4 - Fuck the Ylfen fucker right in the skull! (Capture the Skull)

A few days passed before the next challenge began. As had become expected, Shroktath gathered the crew together to explain the next challenge, and switch up the teams. What wasn't expected was the degree of the switch.

For the next challenge, the teams would be (new team members in bold):

Black Hurricane: Khalid, Shannon 1, Yoki Oshishan, Blarg, Connor, Boz, Veronica (and two +/- newer crem members) followed behind.

Steel Fenris: Jennifer, Bronwyn, Dakota, Brendon, Lewis, Glenn,  (and two+/-  of the newer crew members).

Mindflayer Kabob: Fortuna, , Shannon 2, Captain, Campsis (and 3 +/- of the newer crew members).

Salty Scavers: Basil, Drazda, Alexis, Coalman, Charlotte, Blaine,  (and two +/- of the newer members of the crew).

The four teams are each given a quarter of the ship as a home base. (Black Hurricane - top bow. Steel Fenris - underside - bow. Salty Scavers - top stern. Mindflayer Kabob - underside stern.) 

They are given an Ylfen skull that they are allowed to hide anywhere in their area of the ship. Your goals are twofold - to protect your team’s skull from capture by other teams, and to capture/bring back as many of the skulls of the other teams as you can.

Shroktath emphasizes - other than the Hunter role on each team and their specified weapon (see below), no one is allowed to use any weapons. Spells and spell like abilities may be used freely, but only on members of your team. Any team violating these rules will be disqualified, forfeiting any points they may have achieved to that point.

Shroktath also hints - there may be a surprise element that enters the challenge. He will say no more, but he grins and drools.

Here are the rolls that need to be filled on your team.

Hunter. (1 crewmember) The hunter is given a hand crossbow, and a supply of bolts dusted with sleeping poison. The hunter is allowed to hunt down other players (hopefully on the other teams) on that team’s territory or no.

Jailer. (1 crewmember) The jailer is allowed to grab any incapacitated opponent, and drag them to an area of your team’s quarter of the ship that you’ve made your jail. The sleeping poison is potent, but not terribly long lasting - roughly 5 minutes (depending somewhat on the poisoned target’s fortitude). The jailer is allowed to try and physically restrain opponents, but can’t both restrain, and gather in new inmates.

Seekers: (Everyone else on your team). They may play a defensive roll. They may try to tackle a member of another team, or notify the Jailer or Hunter of a target. However, their main role is usually to try and infiltrate the other teams’ turf, locate the hidden skulls, and bring them back to their home quarter.

If they bring back a skull onto home turf successfully, and ritually piss on it, they register 30 points for their team per skull. When/if a team loses it's starting skull, it is eliminated from the competition. That team keeps any of the points it had achieved from capturing other team's skulls to that point, but those same skulls are now up for grabs for any remaining teams.

***

Even as Shroktath was explaining the rules of Ylfen fucker, the 4th challenge, the sense of excitement in the crew was palpable. Combat! Stealth! Tactics but with lots of room for improvisation and chaos! Not just an allowance but an invitation to violence against your shipmates! Where had this challenge been waiting so long, and why hadn’t they just done this one four times?

The teams organized, strategized, and deployed.

It turned out that the surprise Shroktath had been drooling over was a series of shock traps that had been discovered at the derelict, floating dwarven fortress a few weeks back. Shroktath had brought these on board, and had set them up at various locations around the ship. For the more perceptive, they were easy to spot and avoid. For the less rogue-ish among the crew, they proved themselves shockingly effective. They would incapacitate several seekers on the different teams. (Except Blarg. Blarg became fixated on one of the traps, and kept touching it again and again, going into spasms, and then returning for more, essentially removing him from the competition.)

The opening salvo of the competition was intense. The Salty Scavers team immediately launched an all-out assault on Steel Fenris, sending even their hunter and jailer into Fenris’ territory. It proved disastrous, as Jennifer's protective wizardry and Lewis’ charm rapidly unraveled the imposing assault. It was a costly victory though. Lewis had been knocked out by Alexis - who knows how long she’s secretly been itching to do that? - Bronwyn was reduced to a limping princess, and both of the newer crew members were effectively taken out of the competition.

In the meantime, Black Hurricane had sent out an assault team of Khalid, Yoki, and Blarg. Blarg quickly became a non-factor, but Khalid and Yoki proved devastatingly effective. They infiltrated the Salty Scavers’ turf, dispensed with the flimsy/remaining defence, and captured the competition’s first skull. Plus 30 points for Black Hurricane, and the Salty Scavers knocked out of the competitions to boot. Then there were three.

Steel Fenris didn’t have much time to lick their wounds, as Black Hurricane’s offensive team then turned on them. It was an epic contest of will and skill, but Black Hurricane prevailed, claiming their second skull and knocking yet another team out of the challenge. Plus another 30 points for Black Hurricane, and only two teams standing.

Standing but barely, in Black Hurricane’s case. Khalid had been visibly the worse for his firebomb-induced-journey even before the challenge started, with his hair - unusually - loose in a pony tail (he had at least managed that. Khalid was still alive.), and his body clearly still hungover from the effects of the goblin spice mixture. Khalid attempted to assault Mindflayer Kabob’s position, but found himself in a shitstorm of near-mythic proportions. Invisible opponents, communicating and coordinating without sound, poisoned crossbow bolts flying at him from everywhere. Even so reduced by the lingering effects of the firebomb, and the combat… err… challenge with the other members of his crew, Khalid was a sight to behold. Dodging, and juking, twisting, and flipping about… until his luck ran out. At nearly the same instant the ship’s C.O. was caught by a well aimed bolt and an upercut from a now visible - and obviously magically enlarged - newer member of the crew, a fire-loving goblin named Maulatuff who had joined the crew almost by accident but who now, decidedly, felt very much a part of it, standing over her now comatose Captain and grinning to beat the band.

As the remaining members of Black Hurricane squabbled in the absence of Khalid’s leadership and plan, attempting in vain to come up with some sort of plan B, the contest was suddenly over.

No one quite knew how Mindflayer Kabob had done it,  but Shroktath and Shannon 2 suddenly walked into the middle of the Black Hurricane’s camp with evidence of the victory. Shroktath effortlessly deflected the crossbow bolt fired at Shannon’s head, and soundly rapped Connor on the skull in a shut-up-and-listen gesture that was lost on no one.

It would be too much to say that Shannon smiled, but no one had ever seen her look less sullen as she drew all four of the skulls from her backpack. Plus 90 points for Mindflayer Kabob, and the contest was concluded.

Those still standing took in the carnage and destruction. The next several days there was no word on any more challenges, or on the Magluon Cup. Those with any healing skill were busy tending to wounds, and any operative crew were busy with repairs and cleanup. 

Recovery of ship and crew largely achieved, the crew awaited the final challenge.

Heading into the final challenge the team scores stood at:

Black Hurricane 227.8 points

Mindflayer Kabob 278.6 points

Salty Scavers 162.2 points

Steel Fenris 215 points

They Inordinate Amount didn’t have to wait long. Over a serving of Edgar’s edible stoo, Shroktath stood up and announced the final challenge of the Magluon Cup. 

Challenge 5 - “The Wedgy”

This would be the most open-ended of the challenges. In a tradition reflected in many cultures of the spheres, the goal would be to - briefly - invert the established hierarchy. In goblin culture this, of course, carried with it the implicit threat of harm to perpetrators and vengeance-seeking victims, but that was all part of the fun.

The goal of the challenge was to prank one member of the command team. Your choices are:

Shroktath - easiest target, lowest points. If you fail, Shrokath, does an intense, lengthy physical combat sparring/training session with your team. With wooden weapons. They friggin’ hurt though. 

Hazel - easy target, low points. If you fail, Hazel places the “curse-of-the-cheese-in-the-maze” on you. For the next several days, all members of your team are continually forgetting little things and making silly mistakes, adding a sense of building frustration and irritability.

Khalid - hard target, respectable points. If you fail, Khalid makes your team scrub the full hull of the amount with toothbrushes until it shines. On the night shift. Oh, and, for grins, he throws darts at you while you do it.

Jennifer - very hard target, solid points. If you fail, Jennifer casts a burning wizard mark on your team members. (Basically like a lasting - not permanent - mild “hot foot.”)

Basil - hardest targets, most points. If you fail, Basil makes you doubt your self worth, and possibly even your own existence. You feel somewhat like Shannon 2 seems to feel. Maybe worse.

N.B. These are team-only challenges. The team captains - officially speaking - are not allowed to take part. (Like any and all goblin "rules" however, this is begging to be tested, bent,...)

***

It was an exciting finale. 

The Salty Scavers decided to go big - they needed it given their lackluster performance in the games thus far. They tried to land the big kahuna. They failed, but they tried. Alexis led the charge, Coalman was doubtful. Alexis idea was to keep it simple - Basil would be expecting something elaborate. Keep it simple in execution. The planning was a mess. She attempted to keep the knowledge of the plan compartmentalized so that no one could know enough to tip off Basil. Meanwhile, Basil read each of the team members like chapters in a book. He could tell the deliberations (and punches, in Coalman’s case) they’d gone through to get to their plan. Suffice to say, the pail of Edgar’s stoo! placed above Basil’s door would not be spilled. And for days after, the members of the Scavers’ team had fitful sleeps, kept fighting the urge to look over their shoulders, made silly/simple mistakes, and doubted several of their life choices. At least the team bonded through their common suffering.

Salty Scavers score for the final challenge: +10 points (for courage, in attempting to prank Basil)

Steel Fenris attempted to prank Jennifer. It was a sign of respect for their learned goblin mage, sage, and leader. They attempted the classic hand-in-the-warm-water-while-asleep prank. They didn’t even make it in the cabin door. For days later you could see Bronwyn, Lewis, and the others wincing and limping about, doing their best to stay on task, sweat dripping from their brows as they fought through the pain. Except for Glenn. Glenn seemed to kind of like it. Every once in a while the members of team Fenris would cross paths with Jennifer, and there would be a respectful nod as they passed.

Steel Fenris’ score for the final challenge: +0 points.

Black Hurricane staged an all out assault for a main course, with embarrassment for dessert. They had captured Shannon 2. Well and good, but they had also managed to capture Shroktath! They sure had the bumps and bruises to show for it. Shannon Two and Shroktath were tied to chairs, back to back. The prank started with an amuse bouche. Dakota read a short, foreshadowing Haiku:

Whispers in moonlight,

Hearts entwined, silent promise,

Love blooms inordinate.

She grumbled as she read it, and Khalid shot back, "would you rather lose these Games, or make Shannon sick to her stomach?" and so encouraged Dakota stuck with it.

Then it was onto the prank itself. Shannon’s diary was brought forth, and Connor gleefully read from it a love poem… clearly about Shroktath. It’s hard to say who was more embarrassed. Can you have infinity plus one embarrassed? The poem went like this:

Under wildspace skies, where moonlight weaves its spell,

I, goblin fair, with heart both fierce and frail,

Yearn for your rugged strength, your battle yell,

My warrior, my protector, clad in mail.

Your tusks, like ancient oaks, curve wild and free,

And eyes aflame with fire, unyielding gaze,

Yet in your arms, I find my sanctuary,

Where love blooms fiercely, amidst the darkest haze.

Our love defies the realms, a burning light,

For goblin and orc, an unlikely pair,

But when you thrust your spear, my heart takes flight,

And in your battle cries, I find fresh air.

So let the crew condemn our mismatched fate,

I’ll stand beside you, fierce and unafraid,

For in your rugged arms, how can love await?

A goblin’s heart, forever yours, displayed.

Most of the crew had assembled to see what the fuss was about. [Derek’s narration follows] Khalid would never speak it out loud to anyone but he was certain that Jennifer had a tear in her eye.  Later no one could agree how long they all stood watching the captives, who were completely immovable and stone-faced.....and then everyone started laughing uncontrollably.  Edgar actually stopped breathing at one point and Coalman had to shake him back to life.  Shannon Two was screaming "no, no, NO" over and over again but no one could hear her.  Shannon One was right in front of her, mocking her ruthlessly with kissy faces.  Craniak in the role of Shroktath acting out some kind of odd love drama with Perceval pretending to be Shannon Two, right down to the edgy fashion and mannerisms.  It was when that pantomime turned pornographic that Shilynn pulled them apart.  Khalid did not know how an orc face could blush so red from the embarrassment.  Shannon became so incensed she was able to pull free from the ropes tearing the skin from her arms and back.  Her clothes in tatters, voice roaring like a lion and covered in blood, everyone including Basile scattered from the deck.  Finding no one to dismember, she turned to Shroktath and screamed, "never talk to me again" and ran into the ship.  

Shroktath shrugged off the ropes and, fully bewildered, stood up.  Khalid emerged slowly from his hiding spot and walked cautiously up to the half-orc.  Before the orc could smash the gunslinger's face in, the young captain handed him a bottle of dwarven whiskey. [Derek’s narration ends]

Shroktath laughed, gave Khalid a playful (well, mostly) shot in the arm, and took a swig from the bottle. He passed the bottle among the members of Black Hurricane - Shroktath and Khalid included - in recognition of a prank pulled. Not long after, the bottle was dry..

Black Hurricane’s score after the final challenge: +40 points (+25 points for successfully getting Shroktath and +15 for the brutally artful or was that artfully brutal job of doing it)

The next morning, Khalid woke up with a hangover. As he sat up in his bed, he heard a farting sound. He looked around. He dressed quickly, almost running late for his duties, and as he sprinted from his cabin, more farting sounds. In fact, every time his feet hit the decking - a farting sound. Everything Khalid touched seemed to fart! At breakfast the farting sounds seemed to subside, though the ship’s captain was painfully conscious of everything he touched. It was after breakfast, that the next phase of the prank was revealed. Khalid started to fart himself. He couldn’t seem to move without a moment of flatulence, and as Khalid attempted to admit defeat, he opened his mouth to utter his surrender, and out came fart noises. The crew loved it, and tried to get Khalid to issue orders, reprimands, tell stories, anything, just to hear farts come out of Khalid’s mouth. It was glorious - well, in a Magluon Cup kind of way.

Mindflayer Kabob’s score after the final challenge: +50 points (+50 points for successfully pranking the C.O.)

To Mindflayer Kabob, please accept my deeply respectful hat-tip.  That was brilliant!  - D.S.

Final Scores for the Magluon Cup

1st Place: Mindflayer Kabob with 328.6 points

2nd Place: Black Hurricane with 267.8 points

3rd Place: Steel Fenris with 215 points

4th Place: the Salty Scavers with 172.2 points

***

Stay tuned for the Closing Ceremonies. Let me know if there’s anything you’d like to include.

Day 246 - Freeday Umberweek Ehlonna of the 49th Year Annum Independecia

The long journey to our next destination has finally allowed us to develop a routine.  The brilliant inspiration of Shroktath to propose and then organize the Magulon Cup has done inestimable wonders for morale and crew cohesion.  Now that my own duties are settled and my head is beginning to clear, I do need to reconcile what I remember and what I am confident transpired.  Perhaps the gap is made larger by our recent experiences with the Ancorato Adventurers in within the Shatter Sphere.  To traffic with time travel, aboleths and the Base-Code at the very brink of the Indistinction might be part of it.  The acceptance that Chenwulf sails the Aslanti Seas no longer might be another. 

————-

After the rules of the First Challenge were explained, Khalid called the Black Hurricanes together and started to build a plan.  He started putting rocks and twigs out on the floor to explain what everyone had to do to win this task.  He looked up and said, "Shannon, I want you...."  then Dakota cut in and said, "Would you rather give us boring jobs...or figure out where Yoki went?"  Blarg picked his nose.  Khalid looked around the circle and noticed the Kendu was missing.  Bronwyn said, "man, Lieutenant, this uniform makes me look like a warrior space princess, well done."  Khalid's felt his eye twitch and looked for Yoki...and then she arrived...in a goblinflame wing.  Randomnewguy#1 jumped in and off they flew towards the orbit of silver rods.  Randomnewguy#1 was climbing out of the gobinflame as Khalid turned only because Shannon Two said, "Blarg, toss Dakota at the spikey balls"...and he did as she was screaming with joy.  Then she said, "You can toss Dakota too at the blasty bombs too."  As Dakota flew away, Shannon yelled, "Dakota, would you rather look like a fur bag or grab shiny things?

Khalid had an insight.  "Randomnewguy#2, grab that coil of rope, now!"  Randomnewguy#2 came back and Khalid tied it around a post and then his waist.  "Blarg, throw me there, where those batons are a phasing across the philsogen flow."  "HUUUUUNNN".  Shannon Two kicked the ogre in the shin.  "Blarg, through him where it is all blinky, blinky."  Khalid grabbed on to Randomnewguy#2, an agile hobbit.  Once he got into the orbit, he gently released the hobbit towards the batons.  In the middle of his teammates, Khalid's voice suddenly became supernaturally loud and commanding, more yelly than the goblins were used to.   "Alright Hurricanes, start collecting all those shiny objects."  Nothing changed and the goblins started trying to light the philsogen on fire.  He changed his speech, "Dakota, it looks like Bronwyn is collecting more than you.  Randomnewguy#1 you are the worst.  You are so far behind it looks like you are giving pieces to the other team.  You are so useless though they are don't want your help.  Oh are you going to try now?  Don't strain yourself."

Then he dodged an asteroid and climbed on top of it as he started another spell.  His arms swung around under precise control and gradually the wind started to blow.  Then it started to swirl ever faster and faster around his team.  A ring of swirling wind formed around them and kept the worst of the rocks and debris away from them as they fumbled around for those batons, rods and balls.  Khalid steered the wind into a tighter circle drawing his team back towards the ship. Blarg caught the goblinwing as it spun out of control.  The chaos of that storm started drawing debris towards him but more worrying to the spectators was that his asteroid was flying out away from the ship.  Then he rolled off his rock, backflipping back towards the ship as he cast a fireball through his pistol at the asteroid.  The blast from the explosion pushed him towards the ship as the rainbow-coloured philsogen shimmered brightly.  As Khalid hurled towards the ship, he pointed and spoke a word and the windstorm became inky black. The crowd gasped as he was about to crash into the unyielding deck but he spoke a word and landed as gentle as a feather.

————

They all waited impatiently for Second Challenge to start.  Khalid, Shannon Two, Yoki Oshishan, Perceival the Hobbit and Craniak the Dwarf, Bronwyn and Dakota watched Shroktath rearrange the teams after he explained the STOO! rules.  Connor was received well by Khalid who gave him a uniform.  The rest of the team however met him with grumbles of "patsy" and "snitch" as he joined the Hurricanes.  It was likely Shannon that made the "so where is the Goblin homeworld then?" comment under her breath.  The headlong race to a brawl evaporated as the Half-Orc Paladin led Blarg away.  That was when Shannon Two erupted into an explosion of rage.  Khalid tried to restrain her (physically and magically) and she seemed to calm down....until she didn't.  She slammed a particularly gooey bowl into Shroktath's leg and said, "there's my first one finished, narc".

Bowls got put in front of the Team and the goblins dug in with relish.  It was not figurative, they actually added relish, or something like relish, well really something they called relish; it was likely boogers.  Surprisingly the Hobbit was really into this challenge, ate his quickly and then ran the relay without any direction from Khalid.  The Tengu Yoki simply said, as she finished her bowl, "I may be a crow but even I have standards.  I have eaten festering skunk in a swamp that was way better".  She double-dosed on jammer in the next round after casting some kind of spell on her own stomach (Khalid was sure it was Purify Food, since he tried the same in Round 1, but to no effect).  After she retched, she left the table to cast Lesser Restoration on herself and then cast a hex on Edgar and went back to the table for Round 3.  Edgar felt worse than she did the next day.

Craniak refused jammer even as he started into his third bowl.  He said through his teeth that spacefaring dwarves had stomachs of mithral.  He vomited so much he actually collapsed into sleep while spewing.  Khalid propped him onto his side after giving him a healing potion.  Khalid did not even notice Connor take off onto the relay track.  Connor needed to prove that he was a team player and silently volunteered to run the Stoo! Relay in Round 2.  That went poorly for him but the other goblins grumbled respectfully as the ranger collapsed into a pool of body fluids..

Spectators all agree that Khalid cast at least three spells on himself but he himself was unsure.  He may have healed, gained resistance from poison (and perhaps evil) and gained the endurance of a bear but he needed all the Grit he had inside himself when he said, 

"Let us all pay tribute to the gods of the goblins: Hadregash is the strongest, his consort Venkelvore, Zarongel the Wolf, and Zogmugot the Beautiful.  EDGAR!  Put four firebombs in my bowl!" 

From this point onward for the next few days, it looked like Khalid took some kind of spirit journey into the Indistrinction via the inside of a Jabberwocky's intestine while carrying a festering pig.  Khalid however only remembers infinite blackness after the second spoonful of firebomb too until the next day, in his bunk, where he awoke to Dakota saying "Would you rather....wretch now or see Basile for healing and wretch later?” 

————————

The Third Challenge was a swirl of images.  With Shannon One and Dakota reunited, everyone on the Black Hurricanes was certain they would be overjoyed and would usurp team leadership.  Khalid had not been like himself at all since he finished his bowl of super powered Stoo!  He was no longer even in command of himself.  The goblins were uniformly in agreement about one thing;  they liked him more like this.  He wandered around drooling with that festering pig under his arm telling it stories about points of light in the phlosogen that were not there.

However, Shannon One and Dakota just started arguing after Shroktath explained the poem competition.  Each thought they were uniquely qualified to deliver soul-crushing gothic poems.  Yoki was simply curled up in a ball; she had not yet recovered from the stoo and refused any entreaty to participate.  Perceval the Hobbit was super excited to show his artistic talent off until Bronwyn threatened his life.  Craniak the Dwarf Marine just stared into space.  Connor stood up to intervene and take control and everyone’s the level of indifference was palpable. (From somewhere in the back was heard “would you rather be a loser, or just go entirely unnoticed?“)

When Shroktath announced it was the Black Hurricanes turn, no one moved.  All of them were just looking at the floor or picking their noses.  Shilynn stood there and if she had been capable of glaring with distain, she would have.  It was an uncomfortable silence….

Then Blarg stood up and carefully walked up to her.

The Ogre’s Lament

Upon the deck of wood and steel, where rivets slurp,
A gelatinous moon hangs, pale and wan.
The sphincter valves of engines churn and burp,
As steam and phlegm weave tales of battles drawn.

(This was when the goblins looked at each other and stood up)

The crew, with eyes that squint through goggles tight,
Their hearts combustible, their spirits bold,
They stoke the fires, ignite the engines’ might,
Under this conflagration, the sky did shine like gold.

(By now the goblins were dancing in circles; some kind of interpretation of a battle)

From murky depths, he slurps the battle’s essence,

His gut a churn of phlegm, a primal brew.

Each swing, a dance of combustible presence,

As chaos swirls, and warriors’ fate he’ll hew.

(As the goblins got wilder, throwing fire and climbing the mast, the rest of the team joined in)

With hacks and gouges, wrenches raised on high,
They fight, a desperate dance 'neath starry sky.
The ogre, too, joins in this cosmic boom,
His meaty fists, a force to seal their doom.

(And Blarg bowed)

Craniak then jumped up and slowly growled at the crowd as Yoki did something Khalid would later insist was a flamenco dance with steel war fans:

Mithral blades gleam bright,

Dwarf hearts forge valour in war,

Cosmic clash unfolds

The crowd was certainly excited and engaged but all the goblins kept yelling “limerick, limerick”.  Even Edgar said, “no limericks, no food, throw them to the dogs, no limerick”.

Then Perceval smiled in a lascivious and salacious way at Shilynn as he walked up to her: 

In the void of cosmic expanse, 

An android with circuits and chance, 

Their eyes, like binary stars, 

Guide our ship past quasars, 

Love blooms in the ship's beautiful dance.

He winked and bowed…..

——————

It was in his recollections that during the Fourth Challenge, that his memories slowly (but not completely lined up with reality).  Khalid was decidedly pale and not wearing his turban; he put his long black hair that had fallen around his shoulders into a ponytail as he tried to focus on how to play the next round.  No charcoal, no diagrams, no ornate plan.  Just force and violence.

He set Connor out to hunt.  He was a bowman and stalker but showed no finesse for that round.  He just wanted revenge on everyone.  That worked well since Shannon One was built to be a jailer.  She hated Connor but she was happy to pick up the victims.  The terror and pain she handed out during the round was acute.

Khalid split the Seekers up equally.  Khalid, Yoki and Blarg took the offense.  Yoki and Khalid used magic and stealth to search for the other skulls.  Blarg was simply told "find the other ones like this, smash anyone in your way".  He was unsure how many times Yoki stepped through a dimension door to cast a hex but it was always terrifying.

The Defence was Perceval, Craniak and Boz.  They circled their skull to look for infiltrators.  They simply relied on violence to secure their skull.  When Khalid went to tell Veronica he needed her as a defensive seeker, he found she had already left to do...idunno....

Blarg went straight towards the Steel Fenris probably because it had so many females.  There was wreckage and fire along the way and Yoki stepped out of the shadows right behind him.

Unfortunately, for all the offense and chaos caused by these plans, the Mindflayers easily used Captain to grab the Hurricane's skull...

——————

For the Final Challenge, Black Hurricane staged an all out assault for a main course, with embarrassment for dessert. They had captured Shannon Two. Well and good, but they had also managed to capture Shroktath! They sure had the bumps and bruises to show for it but it was a glorious victory to which goblin paens were already being composed. Shannon Two and Shroktath were tied to chairs, back to back. The prank started with an amusing aperitif. Dakota read a short, foreshadowing Haiku:

Whispers in moonlight,

Hearts entwined, silent promise,

Love blooms inordinate.

She grumbled as she read it, and Khalid shot back, "would you rather lose these Games, or make Shannon sick to her stomach?" and so encouraged, Dakota stuck with it.

With flourish, Shannon’s diary was brought forth, and Connor gleefully read from it a love poem… clearly about Shroktath. It’s hard to say who was more embarrassed. Can you have infinity plus one embarrassed? The poem went like this:

Under wildspace skies, where moonlight weaves its spell,

I, goblin fair, with heart both fierce and frail,

Yearn for your rugged strength, your battle yell,

My warrior, my protector, clad in mail.

Your tusks, like ancient oaks, curve wild and free,

And eyes aflame with fire, unyielding gaze,

Yet in your arms, I find my sanctuary,

Where love blooms fiercely, amidst the darkest haze.

Our love defies the realms, a burning light,

For goblin and orc, an unlikely pair,

But when you thrust your spear, my heart takes flight,

And in your battle cries, I find fresh air.

So let the crew condemn our mismatched fate,

I’ll stand beside you, fierce and unafraid,

For in your rugged arms, how can love await?

A goblin’s heart, forever yours, displayed.

Most of the crew had assembled to see what the fuss was about. Khalid would never speak it out loud to anyone but he was certain that Jennifer had a tear in her eye.  Later no one could agree how long they all stood watching the captives, who were completely immovable and stone-faced.....and then everyone started laughing uncontrollably.  Edgar actually stopped breathing at one point and Coalman had to shake him back to life.  Shannon Two was screaming "no, no, NO" over and over again but no one could hear her.  Shannon One was right in front of her, mocking her ruthlessly with kissy faces.  Craniak in the role of Shroktath acting out some kind of odd love drama with Perceval pretending to be Shannon Two, right down to the edgy fashion and mannerisms.  It was when that pantomime turned pornographic that Shilynn pulled them apart.  Khalid did not know how an orc face could blush so red from the embarrassment.  Shannon became so incensed she was able to pull free from the ropes tearing the skin from her arms and back.  Her clothes in tatters, voice roaring like a lion and covered in blood, everyone including Basile scattered from the deck.  Finding no one to dismember, she turned to Shroktath and screamed, "never talk to me again" and ran into the ship.  

Shroktath shrugged off the ropes and, fully bewildered, stood up.  Khalid emerged slowly from his hiding spot and walked cautiously up to the half-orc.  Before the orc could smash the gunslinger's face in, the young captain handed him a bottle of dwarven whiskey.

Shroktath laughed, gave Khalid a playful (well, mostly) shot in the arm, and took a swig from the bottle. He passed the bottle among the members of Black Hurricane - Shroktath and Khalid included - in recognition of a prank pulled. Not long after, the bottle was dry.

————

I have gone over the ship’s log for the period covered from the announcement of the Magulon Cup to its completion.  Also, with his patient guidance, I have reviewed Basile’s personal diary of that same time.  I hope that in recording my memories of that time (which were often recalled as if I was standing over the shoulder of another also named “Khalid”), I can gain peace, wisdom and benefit from the differences and the similarities.  I might also learn to exercise more caution with firebomb spice and invoking goblin deities which apparently can cause the mind to walk alternate pathways both forward and backwards in time.